Sexual Morality - Mere Christianity Book 3 Chapter 5 - Episode 18

This week we are hearing what CS Lewis has to say about the Christian view of sexual morality and I promise, it's not as bad as you may think it is!

I do suggest listening to this one first though if you have young kids if you're not ready to have those discussions.

...Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who ask you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect...

1 Peter 3:15

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Transcript

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Hello everyone and welcome back to the Reason Why podcast, where we break down what Christians believe, why they believe it, and how to know whether it's true. Today we are continuing our chapter by chapter study through C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity. In today's episode, it's coming with a bit of a heads up. We are going to be talking about sexual morality, specifically what Lewis calls chastity. So if you've got younger ears and eyes around, this might be one to listen to first and decide if and when to share with them. Now I'm not naive. I know this is a hot topic in our society, and part of me definitely wanted to find a way to work around it or minimize it. However, I trust the timing of all these chapters, and I fully plan on staying faithful to the flow that Lewis wrote for us. Some of us may be tempted to tune this one out, or on the flip side, tense up and embrace for a fight. And I get that. But as with each of the previous chapters, this one not only holds some good nuggets of value, but it also is presented in a way that may surprise you. So I hope you'll stick around for this one and maybe like me, you'll learn something new or have a new consideration. I want you to know that Lewis's goal here is well as my own, is not to shame, not to judge, and not to single anyone out. As always, it's to ask a question and discuss the answer, specifically the Christian claim. And that question is, what is sex actually for? And what happens when we move it outside of that purpose? So we're gonna start where Lewis did and clear up a confusion that we're still working on today. Chastity is not the same thing as modesty. Modesty, how we dress and what's considered appropriate behavior that actually changes depending on culture and time. What's considered modest in one society might not be in another. Travel outside of America and you'll find that out quick. Or hey, even come down here to the south where I am an answer without a ma'am or sir, or a break with one of our numerous unspoken hospitality expectations, and you'll be getting yourself a passive-aggressive, bless your heart. But chastity is different. Chastity is about what we do with our sexual desire. Sometimes it's easier to define the opposite of something, so Lewis defines unchastity as intentionally arousing sexual desire in ourselves or others outside of its proper place. Now, the first key word there is intentionally, because it's an important distinction. Accidentally attracting attention, that's more like awkwardness or bad manners, according to Lewis. But deliberately stirring up desire in yourself or someone else, that's where the moral issues come in. That could look like how we present ourselves and what we consume or how we engage with others, especially in a world where so much is designed to provoke desire. Now, here's a piece of advice that he offers up in regards to different generations having different standards of proper behavior. Think of how older generations really look down on the new slang that newer generations use, or how they dress, or how they dance. I know when Elvis Presley came on the scene, ooh, his shaken hips were of the devil. Lewis says, if we give each other the benefit of the doubt more often and aim to make others comfortable, rather than draw attention, we'd avoid a lot of confusion and conflict here. This point really shows how there is just nothing new under the sun. Looking at our culture today, we see a lot of living and acting however we feel like and taking very little care of how our choices may be affecting others. And on the other side of that coin, lots of people having a very outspoken, disrespectful opinion on the behavior of others. Seems like that self-centeredness was just as prevalent in Lewis' time, too. In short, let's be kind to each other and always seek to find common ground where we can and speak the truth in love. So here's the Christian claim and why it's unpopular. Christianity's standard is sex is reserved for marriage. Outside of that, Christianity calls for restraint, not because sex is bad, but because it believes sex has a specific purpose that only marriage can hold together. And Lewis openly admits this is probably the most unpopular part of Christian morality. And that hasn't changed. And he says that either Christianity is wrong or our sexual instinct has gone wrong. All right, so he offers up the appetite analogy to explain why. Lewis compares sex to something we all understand hunger. Food has a purpose to nourish and sustain life, but our appetite can go beyond that. And if someone indulges in that appetite without restraint, it leads to something unhealthy. He says, Imagine a culture obsessed with food, where people watch cooking shows all day, looked at images of food constantly, but rarely actually ate properly. Side note, this analogy that he came up with, it seems pretty prophetic because it sounds a lot like our culture today. We'd say something is off with that culture, right? And boy is it. It's like scrolling food content for hours, but never sitting down for a real meal. Eventually, you're overstimulated, but still not actually nourished. He compares sexual culture to a kind of striptease, but with food. He asks, if people were constantly obsessed with food imagery, but never satisfied, would we assume there's not enough food? Or would we assume something has gone wrong with the appetite? And his conclusion is this our culture doesn't show a shortage of sex, it shows an overstimulation of desire. Lewis argues that sexual desire doesn't decrease with indulgence, it often increases. And that's why he says we see so many distortions and excesses in this area. Now, whether someone fully agrees or not, it's hard to deny that we live in a world where sexual content is everywhere, and yet peace, clarity, and satisfaction in this area are not increasing. Christianity is often accused of being anti-body or anti-sex, but it's actually the opposite of what it teaches. Christianity says the body is good. We're told that humans are made in the image of God. God himself took on a human body in the person of Jesus. And in the beginning, God called his creation, including our bodies, good. So the issue isn't that sex is bad, it's that something good has been misused, or twisted, even. Now, this connects back to what we talked about earlier: this idea that something in us isn't quite aligned. Not that our desires are meaningless, but that they are not always trustworthy guides. Lewis says the original sexual instinct was good, but like everything else in our world, a broken world, it's been bent, distorted, and pulled out of its proper place. So why is this so hard? Because if that's the case, why is chastity so difficult? Lewis gives us three reasons. One, we've been told a story, one that says if something feels natural, it must be good and even right. But that's not always true. Some desires are good and meant to be followed, others need to be redirected or restrained. And the confusing part is sex is good, it's natural. But when it's pulled outside of its intended design, it stops being healthy. Lewis says that's where principles come in. Now, sometimes following what's right means setting boundaries or even removing something entirely, and while that is often necessary, it's not popular. Reason number two, people think it's impossible. A lot of people hear the Christian standard and immediately think, yeah, that's not realistic. Lewis's practical advice. He says, don't start by deciding it's impossible. Start by trying. Ask for God's help when you fail, because you will, at times, ask for forgiveness. Get back up and keep going. No despair and no giving up. God doesn't expect instant perfection. He invites us into a process of transformation. And thirdly, Lewis says there is a misunderstanding of the action of repression. There's this idea that resisting sexual desire will somehow damage you. Like it will cloud your mind or make you less human. And remember, we talked last chapter how Freud was really big at this point, and Freud just tied everything back to sex. So this was definitely part of the mindset back then that it would cloud your mind. The repression of those desires would cloud your mind and make you less human. Lewis pushes back on that. He says, in reality, pursuing chastity doesn't bring fog, it brings clarity. Through exercising more control, we become more alive and whole. Zooming out a little bit, what this is really about, Lewis ends this chapter reminding us sex is not the center of Christian morality. It's not the main thing. In fact, he gives a pretty shocking comparison. He basically says that a deeply prideful, self-righteous person, what he calls a diabolical prig, can be closer to hell than someone living in obvious sexual sin. And not because sexual sin doesn't matter. It certainly does. Jesus himself said that to lust after someone is to commit the sin itself. Lewis isn't minimizing sexual sin. He's warning us that pride is harder to see, it's harder to admit, and often more spiritually dangerous because we justify it. So what do we do with all of this? First, this is not about looking around and judging other people. This is about looking inward. It's about asking, what am I feeding in my own mind? What habits am I forming? What am I normalizing that might not actually be healthy? And also, am I extending grace to others the same way I need it myself? This is a tough topic, and I'm sure most of us feel the tension here. Lewis isn't pretending this is easy. He's just saying if Christianity is true, then this area of life matters. Just like every other part of who we are. God isn't trying to take something good away from us. He is the one who actually designed it, and therefore he knows how it works best. And it's not that all Christianity is saying, wait. It claims sex is meant to unite two people completely, physically, emotionally, covenantally, in a way that nothing else does. Lewis acknowledges that this chapter has been mostly negative. It can certainly sound like a bunch of don'ts. So next time he's going to go more positive and look at how these ideas of chastity and even justice connect to relationships, specifically marriage. Thank you so much for being here. If this was helpful or challenging or made you think, please share it with someone because the truth is always worth knowing and sharing. Check out more resources and content on my website and Facebook and Instagram at Seek Truth here. God bless you guys. I'll see you next time.